Church has one thing going for it: you get to meet lots of people with similar religious interests. You feel part of a community. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons leaving Christianity is so hard — you end up losing many of your friends.
Most of my post-Christian friendships were based on the common foundation of Christianity, and without that base, there’s not much to talk about.
I’m not interested in most of the people at the church I attend. (I attend out of obligation, not desire.) The conversations are shallow and spiritual — you know, boring stuff. I want to talk about ideas, books, politics, economics, the absurdity of religion, literature…
I want to go to dinner with people who know what I think about Christianity and don’t disrespect me for it and give me silly tracts and evangelistic books that are written at a 2nd grade level.
In other words, I’m struggling to meet new interesting people that have things in common with me.
What is your church replacement? How do you meet people you want to hang out with?
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“I want to go to dinner with people who know what I think about Christianity and don’t disrespect me for it and give me silly tracts and evangelistic books that are written at a 2nd grade level.”
At first I parsed this as “I want people to give me silly tracts…” I’m sure you’ll find plenty of those, though you can read all of Jack Chick’s stuff online! :-D
I have plenty of ways of meeting interesting people–not only at atheist discussion groups but also anywhere where I can encounter people with the same interests as myself.
After many years of not attending church, I found a liberal UU church in my area. Many of the members are non believers, and those who are Christian (or believers in another religion) are much more open-minded than any church people I’ve met before. I can discuss atheism without anyone batting an eye. It’s completely different than any church community I’ve seen before. The members are very interesting people, most of them highly educated. My understanding is that UU churches vary a lot, some being more traditional than others. I consider myself lucky to have found this one.
Another thing that attracted me was the religious education program. Children in our church learn about Christianity and other religions, but are allowed to question everything. If their parents want them to grow up believing in a certain religion, that is considered their job, not the church’s. Our RE program approaches the Bible from a cultural literacy standpoint, rather than an evangelical one.
As an atheist, I still feel a little silly talking about my “church,” though…
I guess I should add I live in a rural area, so that makes things a bit harder. No atheist discussion groups nearby. I might have to start one, though it feels a little silly to me to get strangers together to talk about what we don’t believe in. :)
Why do you attend church? Are you still married to someone who wants you to? I can’t imagine how you stomach it.
I totally feel your pain. Since I left the church, I have had scant few friends.
UU churches are often good. In a rural area though … you might have to settle on virtual friends. :/
Fortunately, I live near the St. Louis Ethical Society (http://www.ethicalstl.org/). While I haven’t joined yet, it is starting to fill the community role for me.
UU churches, as mentioned above, are another good options, from what I’ve heard.
If there is a college or university nearby, you may want to consider auditing a graduate or advanced undergraduate level seminar on a stimulating topic.
We had the same sort of issue when we left the church. We wound up joining the local Humanist Association. The best aspect of this has been the Book Club, which gets into the kind of informal intellectual conversation you seem to be looking for (that, and we frequently meet in a brewpub).
I also belong to a model railroad club, which is less intellectual but still plenty social.
First time reader here… Love the blog! Keep up the good work. I am a Christian, but I relate to so much of what you are saying. I use the term Christian to define myself, just out of a heavy identification with the Apostle’s Creed. Outside of that, I would consider my self an “out-churched, post-conservative, existentialist, open theist.” And because of that I feel your pain of disenfranchisement. I have a degree in philosophy, and when I was in college it seemed like there were so many outlets to speak with people about ideas, culture, and meaning and now I’m stuck in suburbia reading Dostoyevsky by my self. All the churches around here are a mile wide and an inch deep, full of people who are swallowing heavy theological/philosophical pills without even thinking about it. Daniel, just be glad you’re an atheist… You could be a open-minded Christian intellectual. Now, there’s a lonely place.
I am from a different cultural background (and so never was Christian), but I tend to find my friends through activities/mutual interests. I am part of an SF club that hangs together a lot, a games club that does likewise, and a group of people that meets to watch and discuss favorite TV. That’s what does it for me.
Do I understand correctly that you still attend church, Daniel? Out of what obligation?
I find forums for podcasts dedicated to certain ranges of topics to be good for this purpose. I like the Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe Forums, to a lesser extent the Astronomy Cast forums, and most of all the Freedomain Radio forums. Ironically these largely atheistic (culturally) podcasts are a lot like church–you listen to the “sermons” in the form of downloaded episodes and talk with other members of the “congregation” on the forums.
Wade: You’ll get there. You’re on the path. Come over to the dark side. We have cookies.
As for me, it helps that I’m a grumbling curmudgeon with no real interest in human contact…
Mostly I make friends through class or over the internet. Just recently I met someone by having a pun war on a mutual friend’s facebook page. I used to belong to a quirky little internet community, but life got in the way… Then I went on to Pharyngula and that filled the gap for a while, but then came the cracker thing and it’s impossible to get a word in edgeways.
Another thing I do is study sign language. Because it’s a language with speakers spread more or less evenly across the country and most native speakers unable to learn english, they tend to form small, tight-knit signing communities. We’re starting to do that in class, and that’s a great way to get the sense of community.
As for atheist groups, I understand they get together and discuss science and philosophy rather than religion most of the time. I’ve never been to one myself, though… I’m not a clubs type of person.
Despite living in a rural area, you should look into starting a group. Not necessarily an ‘atheist’ group exactly, but a freethinker’s group open to all and devoted to critical thinking. You’d be surprised who might show up… Nice blog btw.
I found a wonderful Synagogue in Cincinnati where Judaism is practiced with a Humanistic perspective. http://www.bethadam.org/ We write our own liturgy and non of it contains the word God. If religion has a future, I think it looks something like this.
Some interesting ideas here. Me, I try and find atheist communities online because I’m happy socialising that way, to an extent. Some good F2F (sorry, face-to-face) socialising wouldn’t hurt though. Being stuck in a rural community, online might be the best option.
Lucky for me, I’m moving to London (England) shortly and will be going to regular Atheist, Brights and Humanist meetings that I found through MeetUp.com.
I’m fascinating by the number of you who are going to churches though. A lot of atheists seem to find this idea objectionable, and maybe they are happy to find other venues for socialising that replace church. But I can also understand how for ex-Christians church still represents a major social hub.
PS if you are looking for an online Atheist community, try the Atheist Nexus:
http://atheistnexus.ning.com/
You can look me up there if you want:
http://atheistnexus.ning.com/profile/BarrydelaRosa
My heart goes out to those struggling with this in a rural area. I only very recently quit my smalltown church in rural TN, and I have tons of sympathy for those of my fellow free-thinkers in small towns. (I still taught Sunday school with my wife for more than a year after renouncing my faith privately, So I can sympathize with atheists “Stuck” in churches. It happens, as weird as it sounds.)
I met my wife through a church organization in college, and all four of our parents are devout Christians for whom God is not a bit of theology or an argument, but a being that they feel they have personally experienced, spoken with, communed with, etc. My father is a minister by profession, and it would be pretty much impossible to disavow my folks’ religion without essentially arguing that they are insane.
So we have not told them. I say “We” because my Wife, though a devout follower for about 8 of the 10 years I have known her, was able to see the light, and follow me over to The Dark Side. (Can you see light coming from the Dark side?)
So while I am still “in the closet” in a lot of ways from my parents, and the local Ku Klux Klan, (yes, we still have them around here), I am very lucky to have a fellow, freshly minted ex-christian as my wife. I don’t know what I would have done had she not been willing to look at things with an open mind.
We are slowly making strides toward post-church friends, and a wider sense of community, but we are not there yet. Thank goodness for the Internet!
Try a liberal Quaker meeting. The meetings are silent. Quakers are open to nontheist people because the Truth is what’s holy to them (if you think of Truth as a verb instead of a noun, you’ll know what I mean).
Quakers tend to be nonconformists but they try to go about doing good.
Beware of evangelical or conservative Quakers — many of these meetings have been “infected” by the religious right and its propaganda!
Good lucK.
If you have a book store somewhere nearby, ask them about book discussion groups. If they don’t have one already going, start one yourself – either at the store, a local coffeehouse or diner or at your home.
People who like to read tend to be a cut above the norm – though not always. You could end up with Christian novel readers or romance readers, so make sure you specify that you’re interested in reading some particular genre (award-winning contemporary fiction, literature, mystery, nonfiction, etc).
Probably the most interesting people in your area will turn up to discuss books if you can get the word out.
The other thing to think about is a Cafe Scientique, a Drinking Liberally group or some other kind of meet up group.
I agree with the poster above who said: find a UU church. They are all about social justice and helping the community. They offer great philosophy as “sermons.” They’re just good people and they’re fun to be around.
Me, I play freeroll poker at the local pub.
I just go to the gay bar. lot’s of interesting people there!
Our area has an active Center for Inquiry community. On http://www.centerforinquiry.net/ use the pull down “The CFI Network” to find a community or center in your area. Our community has monthly meetings with a speaker, book discussion groups, video night, bike trips, a canoe trip and picnic, and salon discussions. I also like the folks at http://www.drinkingskeptically.org/. Their local group meets once a month for some stimulating discussion. You might also check out the local library and schools for various educational groups that might put you in touch with like minded people.
Here’s an idea:
Go to the local high school or University. Seek out the science teachers. Then ask them if they wouldn’t mind talking about their political views. If you’re at a University, try searching out the psychology or philosophy departments as well.
Worth a shot if nothing else works.
I basically don’t. I have a small group of friends, all met through school. There’s maybe 3 friends I’ve made entirely by myself in my life, and I still love and interact with all and the third I am married to. I have had a few side friends and even some very good friends whom were made “for me” through these 3 beloved. I’m fairly introverted so it doesn’t bother me in the least to not have a lot of chums.