Fay hits Florida; prayers answered

Tropical Storm Fay hit Florida today in response to hundreds of thousands of prayers from school children and disgruntled office workers.

“It was, like, you know, amazing” says Claire Parks, 16. “I really didn’t want to go to school, so I was like, please God, let that storm, like, hit us so school closes. And you know what? It did! It was like, totally awesome. I wasn’t really sure if prayer worked, but now I know it does and I’m so psyched.”

But it wasn’t just the kids who were praying. Abdul Oblongata hates his job: “I mean I really hate it. Like really, really hate it. So I prayed to Allah to let that storm hit so I wouldn’t have to go to work. And Allah answered my prayer!”

What about the ones who were praying for the storm not to hit Florida? “God always answers prayers,” says Pastor John Frisbee, Ph. D. of Second Corinthians Baptist Church of Christ in Swampee, FL, “and in his Great Wisdom answered ours ‘No.’ Perhaps he wanted to Smite the hell-bound sinners in the Naples area. Perhaps we didn’t have Enough Faith, though I find that unlikely. But God always answers prayer. If you don’t believe that, God hates you and will send you to hell forever for your unbelief.”