That’s what my wife said to me the other day. “I felt so guilty as a Christian,” she said. “You miss reading your Bible for a few days and feel you’re not obeying God. The Bible says to be constant in prayer, but that’s just impossible — you can’t live up to it. And if that’s what pleases God, then nobody pleases him. There’s too much pressure. Christianity is impossible to live.”
“Christians talk about how freeing Christianity is. But it’s the opposite — it’s so freeing not to be a Christian.”
Ah, I love my wife.
Heidi: And before that we had rocks! And we were damned glad to get them! My dad went to school in a... 
1minion: That was going to be my question, Jerdog. Do some good with all that “evil” stuff for a... 
Phil E. Drifter: Schools teach conformity. They teach you to sit down and shut up and be quiet and be... 
Nelly: ditto 
Anthony D Jacques: I love how God saying “Thou Shalt Not Kill” comes off so Do as I say, not as I do. Christians are... 
Leah: These people came to my school and protested…. I can’t help wondering if maybe they are just a... 
gmcfly: Someone needs to read Romans 13. 
29 Comments
Wow, does she have a sister?
Hear, hear! Ditto for going from a mormon to an atheist. I felt guilty ALL the time!!
So true! When I finally realized I was an atheist (less than a year ago), it was like a huge weight was lifted off of me. I can’t describe how much of a relief it is not to be a Christian.
PS>I just found your blog the other day and I’m really enjoying reading it. Thanks for sharing!
I believe that it is possible to be in constant “prayer” if you reassess what prayer actually means. Most people define prayer as a communication with a higher power or deity and this can mean a multitude of things. By honoring your belief and living through your convictions, one could say in a way that you are in a constant state of “prayer”. In eastern philosophies the wish is to attain a constant meditative state, living in harmony with reality… I don’t see much of a difference between this and prayer… Of course, I don’t think most people read into this much and as a result we have a bunch of folks who think they need to be having a constant verbal dialogue with god or whoever they hold to be supreme…
Just two cents from a another perspective :P
I feel exactly the same way. As a Christian, I was always worried that I wasn’t doing the right thing or that I wasn’t repentant enough or that I wasn’t praying correctly or praying often enough. It’s horrible feeling like you’ve got some big surveillance camera pointed at you all the time. You go to church, and they tell you that all you have to do is have faith in Jesus and the world is yours. Next thing you know, they’re making you feel like shit for nothing more than being human. I’m so glad I finally woke up.
Anyway, I love your blog and am really enjoying your Evil God series. I can really relate to your “de-conversion” story, too. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m adding you to my blog roll. Thanks for writing!
The only reason they have the rule, that you read the disgusting bible every day, is because they don’t want you to get a chance to get out from under the constant INDOCTRINATION! “DON’T GIVE THEM TIME TO THINK, OR THEY MIGHT FIGURE OUT THAT IT’s all BULLSHIT and MIND-CONTROL.”
“There were twenty-three other novices in Brutha’s dormitory, on the principle that sleeping alone promoted sin. This always puzzled the novices themselves, since a moment’s reflection would suggest that there were whole ranges of sins only available in company. But that was because a moment’s reflection was the biggest sin of all.”
You’re just going to have to imagine my expression of envy, but I’m sure you can share in my horror that there might be more amazing women like that kept down by faith.
Wazza -
That Pratchett quote reminds we of the modern mega-churches, which can take over the lives of their members. Several services a week, meetings, pot lucks, bowling night, singles night, couples night, etc. I remember once commentator pointing out that the churches that scream about family values often don’t allow their members enough time to have a family.
If they fill up every waking moment, the churches can “protect” their members from having to interact with the Other. They can also eat up all the time and energy the member might otherwise have to spend on a moment’s reflection.
Bart: What religion are you?
Homer: You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don’t work out in real life. Uh… Christianity.
One way that Christianity can be seen as freeing is, in the sense that it’s a philosophy of life, it is very important to have that security in your understanding of reality and the future. You don’t have to worry; it’s freeing (even if it is a delusion).
But any philosophy of life would do the same thing– and there are many philosophies that don’t rely on delusions to be successful. When I left Christianity I had to flounder around awhile before I realized what I was missing. It wasn’t god. What I was missing was a way to live and guidelines about how to behave; a purpose, serenity, and yes, freedom. Even if I make it up for myself– it has to be done.
Yeah, I think I lost about three tons of randomized guilt on the day that I decided that, to paraphrase Ernie Cline: “The pope is just another £µλin’ monkey.” And if Jesus existed, then he was too.
VorJack – “I remember once commentator pointing out that the churches that scream about family values often don’t allow their members enough time to have a family.”
This is so true. It reminds me of my wife’s parents. I can’t count the number of times they haven’t done something with us [as a family] because they “had” to go do something for their church. There’s always that excuse of “Well, you could always get more involved with the church, too.” Like that really solves anything. Time spent in church is hardly something I would consider to be real family time.
Whew! Glad I never had religion to begin with. What guilt some people must feel from day to day.
I think it is less not being a Christian that causes more of a sense of freedom and more the knowledge that you have that choice – knowing that you’ve consciously made any choice. I have many Chrisian friends who are strong in their beliefs and they do not follow a set doctrine for their worship, specifically, and feel no guilt. The choice is what’s most important.
Most people don’t realize that the requirements of the Christian life are completely impossible. The purpose of all of those guilt-inducing requirements is to drive a person to faith in Jesus Christ, that is, trust that what Christ did for them will pay the penalty required for all of the requirements they have left unfulfilled. Even professing Christians need this truth.
Good works are done then out of a spirit of gratitude for what Christ has done, not for the base motives of fear of punishment, personal gain, etc.
It seems you are only rejecting part of the Christian faith. You have not interacted with all of it.
@J. K. Jones:
Nope — I’m rejecting all of it. I’m not only rejecting it’s impossible demands (which we both agree they are impossible, but for different reasons), but also the silly doctrines of regeneration, justification, sanctification, and all the other iations.
And of course I hope you realize that what you are saying is only your interpretation. Many other Christians would disagree with your obvious reformed/Calvinistic bias.
It’s funny, but my wife says almost that exact thing periodically.
I imagine it is very much like a formerly superstitious person suddenly realizing that a black cat is just a cat with black fur, and that breaking a mirror or spilling the salt are just accidents that occasionally happen and need carry no sense of dread.
Christian’s never admit it, but Christianity is all about fear. Fear is very tiring.
If being a Christian is that oppressive, can you imagine what it must be like to be Muslim?
Talk about your impossible standards to live by.
Sheesh…
WOW – a lot of misunderstanding about what being a Christian is about here. But I guess I could not blame you all – since so many christian leaders don’t really get it either. They get wrapped up in all the added stuff – added by other men (dont do this, you must do that, etc.) I don’t read everyday, and never feel guilty about it. That is not what it is all about. But I do live a life based on the basic concepts of J’s teaching.
If you really look at what the man (Jesus – who I do not believe saw himself as God – that came later from men) taught, it was simple. Love your God (whatever that concept means to you) and love your fellow man. Do things to help people, not to be praised for doing it, but because it is the right thing to do. Help the less fortunate and do not be afraid to question those in power if you feel they are acting poorly.
I suspect that most of you commenting on this blog would find that a good way to live your life, and many of you probably already do. In the days when I considered myself an Agnostic – (many, many years) I always saw many Christians as hypocrites for saying one thing and acting another way. Eventually though I came to realize that the problem was not with being a Chistian, it was with Christians themselves – those that did not really understand but simply did what they were told to do by generations of others that came through the same “system”.
Well, dmack.. I think you may have misread your bible. The new testament is clear.. its not love your god whatever that means to you, its love this very particular version of a bronze age cultic god. In actual fact the interpretation you have is the product of more enlightened minds than the old testament or the new one, which means you are more of a creature of the modern era of enlightenment than a christian. For that you have my congratulations, and a suggestion to take the thoughts you expressed at the end of your post one step further and accept that you are doing what you are told as well.
“If you really look at what the man (Jesus – who I do not believe saw himself as God – that came later from men) taught, it was simple”
So we’re back to the kernel and the husk problem again. Which are the “real” teachings of Jesus? Did Jesus really say all those wonderful moral statements, or are those just misappropriated quotes from the liberal Pharisees (or did Jesus just draw from their tradition)? Did he really mean all those apocalyptic statements, or were those added in later? Exorcisms play a huge part in the Gospel accounts; were they original? How about all those anti-social things Jesus supposedly said: “Let the dead bury their dead,” “every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold,” “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,” etc. Have you given up all your worldly goods, as he taught in Luke?
So, dmack, what criteria do you use to determine just what the real teachings of Jesus were? What do you say to scholars like Albert Schweitzer and Bart Ehrman who say that Jesus was just another failed apocalyptic prophet? How do you respond to Jewish scholars who see Jesus as being firmly embedded in the Pharisaic tradition?
Christianity has this way of damaging your self-esteem (”I’m a sinner, I’m not trying hard enough, I’m not reading the bible enough” etc.) AND making you very self-centered (”God help me fix this problem, help me change, help me be better” etc.). It’s very exhausting, mentally and emotionally. When I became an atheist, I left behind the constant feelings of guilt and inadequacy and became a whole lot less self-centered. I realized that I have a good, comfortable, healthy life (ex: A family I love and actually enjoy spending time with, a good job, the privilege of having seen much of the world, no addictions, no health problems, etc.) Constantly trying to better myself or be a better Christian was one of the most arrogant and ungrateful responses to that good life.
I remember going to bible study groups and when “prayer request” time came, if I didn’t share one everyone would joke that I thought my life was perfect or I was too good for prayer. Well, my life is pretty damn good (even better since ditching religion), and I think it is wonderfully humble to accept it as it is and enjoy the heck out of it! It is freeing to be an atheist!!!!
@dmack89
“But I guess I could not blame you all…”
Whew! I can sleep at night.
Back when I was a Christian, I used to feel guilty all the time for “bad thoughts”, because I was told that thinking something was identical to doing it, in God’s eyes. This made me a mass murderer.
Now I’m an atheist, I can think all the “bad thoughts” I want, and simply choose not to act on them!
J. K. Jones:
That point of view makes Jesus into a manipulative bastard, doesn’t it? “Yes, my religion has set up requirements that are absolutely impossible for you to meet, aren’t you grateful that I’m going to forgive you anyway for failing to live up to the impossible standards that I set for you?”
dmack89:
If you think that Jesus wasn’t God, but just some fellow with a nice moral philosophy, and the whole Son of God thing was added later, why do you include “Love God” as one of the things we should do? Why is that an important component of loving one’s neighbor and doing good works? It seems kind of superfluous to me.
Very true!
And it’s not the guilt thing… It’s also the eternal need to try to find ways to justify your beliefs with a modicum of reason (impossible task, btw).
Last time I vividly experienced such a peace was a few nights ago, after watching Christopher Hitchens — mercilessly and with finesse — destroy poor Douglas Wilson in a debate (http://richarddawkins.net/article,3386,n,n). I went to bed feeling peaceful… Great feeling indeed!
No god, no problem…
Religion poisons everything!
Wow, I love your blog. It’s great. It’s fun to read about your journey to atheism.
It is freeing to be an atheist. The further I get from Christianity and magical, superstitious thinking the more I understand how it cripples a person’s mind.
For example, I realized one day that Christians are afraid of both life and death. They are so afraid of living and all of its complexities and difficult choices and beautiful things that they’d rather reduce everything to a simple black/white forced decision about everything. Life is so messy and unpredictable that it frightens Christians. So they have to believe in the illusion of some being out there that controls it all–even though there is plenty of evidence that there is no supreme being who controls anything. But believing this allows the theist (not just Christian theists, either) to excape one more day from facing fear of life, fear of decision-making, fear of choosing, fear of risk-taking, fear of nothingness.
At the same time they are afraid of dying and try to deny its reality, too. Those denials come in the form of “everlasting life”. What a psychologically and intellectually small life a Christian leads. It is a mind hemmed in on all sides by fear. It is a life more to be pitied than extolled.
In a way, being a Christian is sort of like denying being a human and having to experience the human condition.
I’m so relieved to be a Christian and glad I don’t have to do the livin’ around what people think. God does the livin’ for me & through me. No guilt – just peace.
I just want to share this awesome sermon by a young minister/attorney related to the topic “can’t live up to it”.
View or download online Windows Media video or just listen in its entirety at:
http://www.eveninglightfellowship.com
Click on
The Sermons
Click on
The Archives
…then scroll down to “02-22-2009, It’s Not Too Late, Acts 27:20″ by Bro Aaron McGeary
It answers a lot of the guilt questions.
You will have to download and install Windows Media Player. Click on the Windows Media Player graphic at the bottom if you do not have this program installed.
Be blessed and yes, be FREE!
“Christians talk about how freeing Christianity is. But it’s the opposite — it’s so freeing not to be a Christian.”
Totally agree. It took me a really long to be able to admit to myself that I didn’t believe in Christianity (although deep down I hadn’t for quite some time). But once I just said it, it was like I immediately felt free! It was like a huge burden lifted.