Just in case you were wondering, you can immensely improve the quantity of positive energy accessible and decrease interference by negative energies simply by changing your prayer position! Praise Mother Earth!
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48 Comments
I love how none of the “comparative spiritual benefit” stats (this is percentage of what, exactly?) are larger than 8%. Does that mean even the best of these is 92% ineffective?
Well, theory says it would be more effective -around 50%- when you pray in the middle of a highway. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t find enough test subjects to prove it statistically.
Candles have emissions that can only be sensed by the sixth sense. True story.
http://www.spiritualresearchfoundation.org/miscellaneous/testingsixthsense/candle-lamp/images/Subtle-pic-Candle.gif
So BS is both a wave and a particle.
Do all candles naturally emit these raja-tama particles or is it induced by hitting a candle with prayer energy.
Cool. I want a prayometer, too, to be able to measure efficiency. Do you sell them, or at least want to share the knowledge about how to make one?
I note that they didn’t test knee positions. Does falling to one’s knees and groveling on the ground, thereby increasing one’s closeness to Mother Earth, have an effect? Does doing so in a building with a cross on top of it, acting like a spiritual lightning rod, have any efficacy? Inquiring minds want to know! (Actually, this inquiring mind has no interest in this subject whatsoever, except as a source of amusement. :)
In addition, covering your head in aluminum foil will block interference from aliens and give you a much clearer HD prayer signal.
Dang, they dont have the hands stretched to the sky position. That’s what I always use while screaming, “why god whyyyyyyy?!?” or “Steeeellaaaaaaa!”
LOL….coffee just came out my nose. thanks. :)
I feel like this information needs to include a prayer kit for the low low price of just 3 easy payments of $19.95. Teach yourself how to pray at home and increase your righteousness by 48%!
Thanks for the business idea!
Y’all have to check out the rest of that website that Daniel linked to. I thought that the graph of prayer positions was a joke, a Poe, a poke at woo-filled stupidity–I mean, how could a graph of prayer positions not be anything other than a Betty Bowers/Landover Baptist inspired joke, right?
In the words of Kevin Spacey’s Lex Luthor, “WROOOOOONG!!!!” That site is serious. Wow. Between that and “soul coaches,”(google it and read Denise Linn’s site) I’ve come to realize that the Internet is a veritable smorgasbord of totally insipid woo.
You’re right, the Internets was better when it was just used for email, and Pr0n.
back when the men were men and the women were also men.
I don’t know, Roger, seems more like “inspired woo” to me. I mean, come on…give them some credit. “Insipid woo” is a “Praying Calvin” car magnet. This is AMAZING stuff. :)
*snerk*
I hate those “Praying Calvin” car magnets. But that did remind me…a few months ago, I was driving up to Charlotte, NC and a car to the right of me had “Jesus…I’m Coming Soon.” All I could do was laugh and wonder how the person who had their car so garishly decorated had missed the obvious double entendre.
Yeah- I hate the praying Calvin magnets– but at least they aren’t the peeing Calvin magnets… or truck nuts… Ew!!!
Oh come on those peeing Calvin’s are cute. Calvin and Hobbes rules.
I’m sorry, there’s nothing cute about those stickers. Bill Watterson never authorized them, and these clowns have been illegally plagiarizing him for years. It’s disgusting.
I’m with Spook here. I love C&H, and that’s why I don’t like the peeing Calvin plagiarism.
How do they know which is best for praying since it is usually not known when it is effective?
SHHHHHH!!!
Don’t you know that you aren’t supposed to ask obvious questions??? ;)
Poe? Surely this must be a Poe?
What of you have tiny hands?
The joke goes something like this:
While the telephone installer was putting in the new system in the rectory, the pastor was discussing the optimum praying position with some inter-faith colleagues.
The Catholic priest was convinced that praying on your knees was most effective.
The Baptist told his friends how standing with your arms outstretched to heaven gives the best “signal” as if they were some sort of directional antennae.
The pastor whose office they were in disagreed, telling the other two how bowing your head with folded hands in your lap was the best.
The telephone installer had heard enough of this discussion and told them all how “The best prayin’ I ever did was hanging upside down from a telephone pole!”
rimshot
I have a couple of problems here:
1) They give no tolerance on the parallelism of the fingers and forehead. Is ±¼” OK or must it be on the order of ±0.001″?
2) Should one’s face be firmly squinched or is a light squinch OK? Many prayers that I have observed seem to feel that a grotesquely tight squinch is required for maximum effectiveness.
As far as I am concerned, these are two very important questions which must be answered before I will be convinced that I am praying correctly. Until then I am going to refrain from praying lest it be ineffective.
Roflcopterz…. Prayer squinch :D
Too bad christians’ messiah failed.
Hey folks, editor of this Spiritual Science Research Foundation says:
We encourage you to ask questions about the topics that we have presented. Questions help to overcome any lingering doubts about the subject and will enable you to practise the science with enthusiasm and conviction.
I am very curious as to how he and his crack team of Spiritual Scientists will respond to questions from all of you that comment on this blog.
That site is incredible: “After we die on Earth, we go to one of the various subtle regions of the Universe depending on our spiritual level and merits and demerits. Here we stay for varied periods of time before we get a chance to be born back on Earth. (Refer to point 2.4 for which subtle region we are most likely to go to.)”
Here is 2.4: http://www.spiritualresearchfoundation.org/spiritualresearch/spiritualscience/lifebeforebirth/images/Which-subtle-region.gif
Oh Please GAWD!!! Don’t send me to the NETHER REGION!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Wack-a-doodle-woooo!!!
Precisely.
So, uhm…..what about people who have no arms?
They’re screwed.
We may be missing an excellent marketing niche.
Pre-formed prosthetic limbs, molded in the proper position to get the results one expects from praying.
Don’t forget Prayer Harnesses!
A system of leather Straps, Buckles, and Ties so your “prayer assistant” can hold your arms legs and neck in the most precise prayer position. You can add a rubber ball “subvocal concentrator gag” and “rectal high frequency antenna” for a further 10% increase of positive energy!
I wonder if the site accepts advertising?
God hates amputee’s!
If I pray on the position at the top, I may get my prayer answered, but my neck will hurt like heck.
So, I guess it all depends on what I want more: a neck ache or a pitiful wish.
If you pray for your neck to hurt, it works 8-100% of the time. It depends how long it takes you to pray really.
LOL!
genius
Has anyone thought about environmental and healt impact if everybody sends prayer signals?
Does the prayer signal heat up you brain like cell phones does?
Has there been any study that shows that prayer signals are safe and not cause cancer?
Prayer signals neither cause nor cure cancer.
And is prayer responsible for global warming?
in islam you must step out of the bed with a certain foot when you wake up. The more i read the more i realize that i wish i was born about 300 years from now. oh well.
Optimist.
You can ask this same question about how God knows whether you’re talking to him, or the right God gets the prayer, based on how you pronounce the name:
http://luckyatheist.blogspot.com/2009/03/nine-billion-names-of-god.html