A reader sent in their story and a question for the community:
I’m a senior in college, and I’ve experienced radical changes in my faith over the last few years, starting in my later years in high school. Here’s an abridged version of my story so far. Maybe you could give me some advice after you read it.
I basically come from a heavily evangelical background in “God’s country” in the Bible Belt. I actively attended church since my parents decided that our family should go back when I was about 7 years old. I was every parent’s dream (at least in my community) — church going, top of the class, and an athlete. I’m very fortunate to have had so many things go in my favor over my short life.
My thirst for knowledge led me to study the Bible in depth. Like many evangelicals, I was convinced that the “truth” was found in the Bible. I wanted to become a “serious” Christian. By the age of 17, I had convinced myself that I was a Calvinist, and I wanted everyone to know. I still had tons of questions, and I was convinced that I could figure them out myself. I had pastors and mentors, but I wanted to find out what “true” Christianity was, not what someone else told me.
I was good at science, really good actually. Somehow I managed to fuse evolution and my faith together. I never believed in young Earth — I found it hilarious that some would. Little did I know that I was slowly becoming more and more liberal in my faith. I started to globalize myself more by reading philosophy and about current world events. I became politically active, and I strongly supporting social rights. Unforgettable political arguments with others led me down that path (don’t you love college?). From a political standpoint, I was fine with gay marriage, drug legalization, and prostitution. However, I knew that this was at odds with my faith. I had learned to separate the two.
I later took two religious courses over two semesters with the legendary Bart Ehrman (New and Old Testament). Wow, did that class open my eyes. I was still actively involved in a campus ministry at the time, and we had weekly small group meetings where we would try to refute his claims in class. Our attempts were futile. His arguments were logical. They were based on facts. Before the class, I pretty much rested my faith in the inerrancy of the Bible. I had given up on trusting any other source. That belief was shattered over the course of that year.
I’m still a member of that campus organization. Most of my friends and family still think I’m a believer. I haven’t been to church in over a year.
My question to you is, how should I go about telling people about my skepticism? More than 90% of my close friends are believers, close to a quarter of them hardcore believers (going into ministry). I’m thinking of keeping my attendance with the organization until I graduate. What I fear the most is that I’ll miss the community that comes with being a Christian. I don’t think I want to join a atheist or agnostic community right now because my conception of them is that they ridicule faiths.
Christianity has been very close to me for a very large part of my life. I’m not angry. Honestly, I would have not changed anything so far. I’ve developed a sharp eye for things and a mind that questions everything. What are your thoughts?
What’s your advice?
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JonJon: I agree. 
118 Comments
My advice is to take things slow in breaking things to people. The end results may be the same, some relationships will stick and some won’t, but the process may be less traumatic, and those around you will be better able to adjust to your changed beliefs. What I have found is what was a gradual process for me seemed sudden to those believers around me because they weren’t working through things with me.
I feel the same way about atheist/agnostic community, but you will find what works for you over time, in or out of faith community. And while a lot of those communities do ridicule faiths, often it is the most vocal ones that do the most, and a lot do not.
Taking things slow in breaking the news to people is definitely a good idea, but sometimes they can’t keep their mouths shut and will tell everyone at once for you. When I first came out as an atheist, it was one person at a time, starting with my best friend, then my brother, then a very close friend. I specifically told the close friend not to tell anyone else until I could ‘figure things out’- what did he do? Went and told the pastor of the church! And who knows how many other people. Needless to say, things went downhill from there and I was not at all happy with that guy.
Tough one. The easy answer is that if your friends are really your friends they will accept your change in spirituality, but I suppose this is not a realistic prospect.
Friendships are usually formed around a core of shared interests and beliefs, and it seems like many of your friendships are formed around Christianity. Revealing yourself to no longer be Christian, or a least not as devoutly as they are, is likely to undermine the foundations of your friendships with them – not to mention put a strain on your family life.
All I can say is that there are other friendships to be gained out there, with fellow sceptics, who may in time come to replace your current social circle. Whether you can maintain your current friends and come out of the closet as a sceptic, well, I’m sceptical on that one.
If you decide to take things slow, then I would advise being very careful in who you tell initially. When I “came out” (as it were), I wanted to take it slow too, but the first people I told ended up telling everyone else before I was ready, so be aware that this might happen.
I’d tell people that are likely to not harass you. But do tell them. Remind them that doubt is a part of Christianity, and that you are going through a strongly doubting phase. Remind them that this is something you need to decide for yourself, and that they are welcome to pray, but not to ‘witness’ to you. It is about you coming to terms with what you think, your own relationship to your religion. Even people not likely to harass you will probably tell others, but it will be far easier to express skeptical feelings from a “temporary” position than a “permanent” one (no matter which way you actually feel about it).
I would also encourage you to never stop thinking about what you personally believe, and to act on those beliefs, no matter what they are.
JonJon– you are very cool (for a believer that is *wink, wink*– ha ha!)
But I agree with what you have said here.
I’d like to add that I’d start by telling the people you feel closest to– people you know are loyal to you (like an old friend). People who have the most to “lose” by your deconversion (like your parents) maybe should be told later (maybe? I don’t know what your relationship is like with your parents).
Go slow. I quit believing in college, but never told my mother because I knew it would break her heart. You are more embedded in the faith community than I ever was though.
From a political standpoint, I was fine with gay marriage, drug legalization, and prostitution. However, I knew that this was at odds with my faith.
I don’t see that. It should be possible to hold oneself to a certain standard of behaviour without insisting that standard be forcibly applied to everyone else.
I don’t think I want to join a atheist or agnostic community right now because my conception of them is that they ridicule faiths.
Yes, they do that. But they also talk about the bias to which nonbelievers are subjected in this society. It could be eye-opening for you to hear a little of that.
Since you have scientific interests, it seems a good bet that some of your acquaintances are also skeptical. Perhaps some of them are also closeted, like you.
I don’t see any reason to trumpet your current state of belief or nonbelief to everyone you know. There are many situations where it is perfectly acceptable and appropriate not to discuss religion at all. If you maintain membership in those religious groups to which you belong, perhaps you could shift more towards charitable activities and social activism rather than theology.
“There are many situations where it is perfectly acceptable and appropriate not to discuss religion at all.”
Agreed. I try as hard as I can to keep that out of conversation. In my experience it can be more of a sticky subject than politics. Although I’d rather talk about religion than politics because I dont follow politics as much hehe.
Loss of community is hard for me, and it seems many people. But agnostics/atheists aren’t the only other option. There are a lot of pseudo-religious people that “believe” but otherwise don’t act religious. Most US Catholics, Episcopalians, some Lutherans, etc. So you could join another type of social group not centered on religion – around some sport or charity maybe – and do just fine with making friends.
I was surprised when I told a friend a couple things that went against my former belief (he and I were members of the same religion) and for a few weeks he disappeared telling someone that I went the wrong direction.
This week he called with some questions because of a book he read and things I had mentioned and he told me that he knew I wouldn’t just jump into something without any thought.
So, I shared with him all my skepticism regarding the Scriptures in general.
He’s coming back next week for more “Bible” study.
I later took two religious courses over two semesters with the legendary Bart Ehrman (New and Old Testament). Wow, did that class open my eyes. I was still actively involved in a campus ministry at the time, and we had weekly small group meetings where we would try to refute his claims in class. Our attempts were futile. His arguments were logical. They were based on facts. Before the class, I pretty much rested my faith in the inerrancy of the Bible. I had given up on trusting any other source. That belief was shattered over the course of that year.
I’m not sure I’m completely clear as to where you are in your journey. Here, it sounds like you might still be undecided with respect to the Christian faith, but here:
I’m still a member of that campus organization. Most of my friends and family still think I’m a believer. I haven’t been to church in over a year.
it sounds like you have left the faith.
In either case, I wish you the best and hope you continue to ask tough, honest questions.
I can only offer my own experience. I studied religion for seven (long) years, and I focused in Christian studies. I have a BA in Philosophy/Religion and an MDiv. I only say that because I truly do emphasize with you.
I’ve become a very skeptical believer (as oxymoronic as that sounds). I don’t believe in the inerrancy of the Bible, for example, and I don’t view scientific discovery to be at odds with my faith (I don’t hold to Young Earth Creationism and a literal understanding of Gen. 1-2, for example). I don’t doubt that the Bible is a compilation of human words that are culturally, sociologically, and historically conditioned. For someone who has based their faith on inerrancy, such admissions would definitely undermine that faith, and like you, I was an inerrantist through high school and even into college. In college, I had a very similar experience to you, actually, in that I was very close to leaving the church and the faith altogether.
Eventually (and it took some time), I decided against that, and I chose to remain in the faith. To put it succinctly, I decided that my faith wasn’t in the Bible (i.e., a divinely written book) but in the God to whom the bible testifies (albeit fallibly). I still treasure Scripture’s witness to God, as flawed as I think it is at times (i.e., its apparent justification of holy war in Joshua and Judges, for example). In other words, I found a way to accept the Bible for what it obviously is and still hold on to faith.
That’s a long way of saying that I think it’s possible to ask the tough questions you are asking, answer them honestly, and re-formulate your faith — if that’s ultimately what you want to do.
Regardless of whether or not you remain in the faith and stay connected to the church, however, I would strongly encourage you to keep asking the questions you are asking. If you do wish to remain in the faith in some way, I would point you to Brian McClaren’s New Kind of Christian and Generous Orthodoxy. Obviously, that’s entirely up to you.
With respect to your question of, “How do I go about expressing my skepticism?” I wish I could say that that part’s easy. I’ve been ostracized by fellow Christians for even asking those types of questions, let alone coming to ‘liberal,’ or worse, ’secular’ answers. I wish I could tell you that the faith community (and Evangelicals in particular) were willing to embrace doubt and the doubters; unfortunately, we are not — at least not right now. What I would say is that if you can find someone who’s willing to listen non-judgmentally, with no strings attached, it helps to talk it out. I was able to find that person in a college professor, and I’m really glad I did.
Another thing I would say, though, is that I think it’s good for people of faith to hear skepticism from others that they love. Finding the times and places to do so will take discernment on your part and probably won’t be easy to find. But, when you do find those right moments, I would encourage you to be open and honest as much as you can be.
All best to you.
This is my favorite answer thus far. This is definitely where I am. I haven’t abandoned my faith, but I have definitely become quite the skeptic in the last 8 years since I left home to go to college.
Glad to see someone else who doesn’t accept the Bible as infalliable, but still has faith that there is a God. I actually see that as having more faith than those who take every word the Bible says as fact.
Credulity is not a virtue.
Glad I could offer something useful (even if it’s not virtuous!).
Some do ridicule faiths, but I ask you…why is that unacceptable?
I’m not asking you to agree with them, or to take part, but I agree with Reginald…maybe you need to hear that.
What I fear the most is that I’ll miss the community that comes with being a Christian. I don’t think I want to join a atheist or agnostic community right now because my conception of them is that they ridicule faiths.
There’s no reason not to give them a try. I was a member of a humanist group in college and we had a believing christian who came to our meetings and participated in our discussions. He was never ridiculed. Quite the contrary—having someone with a very different worldview made the discussions much more interesting.
Every group will vary depending on the people who participate in it. Give it a try. If none of them seem worth your while you don’t have to return. But you may find many people who went through much the same thing you did and that can relate to you concerning skepticism in a way your christian friends probably won’t be able to.
I can certainly relate. I’ve told my brother and my wife, but that is it. I’m still very much in the closet. I was so heavily involved with my church and my faith that my entire network of friends and family are very devoted Christians. My world would explode if many of them knew of my recent rejection of Christianity. I don’t have the energy to deal with the barrage of “concerned” people praying for me and looking at me like a lost soul. It’s so silly to think an imaginary god can be so important and pivotal to real relationships with people. That is exactly why I blog under a pseudonym.
I wish I had advice for you. But my advice would be pointless since I’m in your same situation.
How has the wife and brother taken this? Just curious as I haven’t “come out” to anyone yet. (just a few months into my de-conversion)
I’m right there with you. I’ve only told a few close friends.
My brother actually told me first. He walked away from Christianity a few years ago. It took him 2 years to finally tell me. Here both of us were in the closet and didn’t even know it. My experience is a bit more recent, all kind of coming to a head last Fall.
My wife has taken it fairly well. She is understanding, but assumes I am going through doubt and will eventually regain my faith. This wasn’t a decision made on a whim, so it is very permanent. It was the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make.
We’ll see how it plays out with my wife down the road.
Wow. Sorry to hear about the stressed marriage, Be. Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am, though. My wife was able (after a few painfully stressful months) to follow me into disbelief.
To this post’s main character, I will say what has helped me a lot. New Friends. As you move forward, you need not “come out” to your existing social network before finding a batch of friends with whom you can be your (new and improved) self. Once you have some people whose friendship is solid, you won’t worry so much about your “old” friends dumping you (which they quite likely will do)
Try getting involved in some campus groups that are neither religious nor skeptic/atheist, one based on a hobby/sport/radio/theater/etc that will give you community and something to do have fun with, but is not part of the contradictions you are feeling.
Also, check out http://friendlyatheist.com/category/coming-out/ for other stories and advice.
You say you are a senior, but it is June, so I am assuming you have a full year left. If that is the case, you may just want to be quiet for a while, start going to meetings every other time, or 1 in 3. Just drift out slowly and when you graduate, then you can move on.
Very good advice, I would just like to add that if your parents are paying for college then hold off on telling them until after you graduate. The reason is that your parents will be ’scared for your soul’ and will (likely) try any means to reconvert you, including refusing to pay for your education unless you come back around to their thinking…not a pretty scene.
They might even think college is responsible for opening your mind too far and exposing you to dangerous thoughts of leaving your religion. Thus taking your education away to protect you. I am guessing, I would never have thought they do it to scare or threaten you.
In kind of an opposite situation to this, I have a bible believing co-worker who is pretending to have serious doubts about his faith so all the single women in his very conservative church will stop chasing after him.
What church does he attend? I might send my brother there!
I kid, I kid.
But don’t most women go after the “bad boy”?
Totally off-topic, but you have a great website. Just added it to my feeds.
Hey thanks! We also do a podcast which was just about Warhammer Online, but has recently morphed into general gaming. Recording episode 1 this friday. Check it out =)
Ill stop hijacking the thread now, sorry Daniel hehe
You definitely must read either:
“The Process Perspective” by John B. Cobb, Jr.
or
“On the Mystery: Discerning Divinity in Process” by Cartherine Keller.
Having been raised in “evangelical country”, you might well have a very one-sided view of what Christianity can be. When attending university, I also trudged through a similarly painful process. It took years to regain my faith.
An OPEN-MINDED and GENEROUS CHRISTIANITY does exist beyond the facile, dualism posited by most evangelicals and atheists. God transcends the Bible, a human-penned and thus fallible enterprise. Sorry, this lack of easy answers means that truly knowing ‘God’ entails setting forth on a deeply personal process that to be personally valid we must mostly traverse on our own.
I sincerely hope that you don’t allow yourself to be trapped in the morass of reductionist materialism à la Hitchens, Dawkins and Harris. I found that worldview led me down very dark paths of disoriented hopelessness. A middle path does exist between evangelical spiritual absolutism and atheist spiritual desolation.
Whatever you do, however, please go slowly. In the long term, it makes no sense to “throw out the baby with the bath water” based on a view recently read or heard in a lecture. Even very learned professors engaged with these issues over decades disagree with one another.
My humble thoughts.
I would second Keller.
spiritual desolation? Is that another word for embracing reality?
If you think Christ is God, you’re delusional. If you think he’s not God but that his words are worth more than other philosophers, then you are close-minded and uneducated. If neither of the above is true, then you’re not a christian.
The fact is there is no baby. It’s like saying we should keep the good part of bleeding humours, as if the ideas of the ancient greeks need to be protected from modern science and philosophy.
The concept of divinity and spirituality, like drawing blood, is only validated by confirmation bias. True ‘enlightenment’ involves embracing reality, and accepting who and what we really are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1xr5c3GJuo&feature=channel_page
“spiritual desolation” = reality
Spiritualism=the great life
materialism or atheism=(near) nihilism
Perhaps you needed meds when you went through your questioning phase? :)
“‘Nihilism’, You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means…”
From wiki: “The term nihilism is sometimes used in association with anomie to explain the general mood of despair at a perceive pointlessness of existence that one may develop upon realizing there are no necessary norms, rules or laws.”
I don’t think there is any such thing as “spirit”.
That’s because the natural man becomes less and less sensitizied to his inner man (spirit) the more he ceaselessy employs and is reliant upon his faculties of reason and logic. This “head thinking” certainly has its place, ie balancing one’s checkbook, negotiating traffic, etc. But it has severe limitations as well, can not envision no yield to another, higher but non-competing realm, the realm of spirit. Once reason and logic are securely placed within their boundaries, employed justly and not given free reign to usurp the other, then and only then can they be trusted to operate in truth, in subjection to the mind of Christ. Man is not singular in construct, but a tri-partate being. Employing only one faculty is an unnecessary limitation.
That’s because….
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
How do you know? How do you know that spirit exists but, say, aether doesn’t? Phlogiston? Thetans? What is explained by “spirit” that cannot be explained without assuming unknown substances or entities? What evidence is there that there is such a thing?
He knows it because he is a Platonist (despite claims to be Christian). Plato was the first to describe the tripartite soul:
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/ethics-ancient/#3
So, JC, have you gotten around to reading the Republic, yet? ;)
No, have never read Plato, am not a “Platonist” but do have his Republic in paperback form. How do I know? Here’s a clue, observe the human eye (from outward appearance), what do you “see”?
What does the pupil (in the very center) do in response to light? Now make the connection with the inner man, his spirit dilates/contracts according to the amount of Light it “see’s”. So going back to my original response to Rodney saying that he doesnt believe in spirit, and why is this? Because in the natural man (who “sees” by the faculties of reason and logic alone) his spirit is severely contracted to the point where he is even unaware of its existence.
I realize this does not answer your question “how do I know”, but sometimes when we are attempting to really “see” by an unknown but inward faculty, its best by degrees as from darkness to light.
Dilate
Three (outer) aspects of the human eye, three aspects of man’s being as well. Its a window of sorts.
This is only slightly less absurd than making a connection between pancreatic function and the ability to destroy crops with your thoughts.
I asked how you know spirit exists, not how it works. How can you possibly know how it works if you aren’t even certain it exists?
PS:
…there is no evidence for it. I don’t believe that anything supernatural exists. “To talk of immaterial things is to talk of nothings.” If the immaterial affects the material in any way, it is not immaterial.
I am more than certain it exists, for it IS me and you. The physical illustrates, is a clue to the spiritual. If you ever get me started on the spiritual significance of trees (roots in the “earth” but extending “skyward”) you’ll rue the day, lol.
Why?
You are correct, it is not immaterial, only unseen. Does this make it any less significant, that we cant “see” it? No.
Actually there are 7 parts to the human soul, can’t you feel it? I can. If you were me, you’d know it was true, too, so just believe me and accept it.
18. Definitely 18 parts to the human soul. I can feel it.
Feelings have nothing to do with it, the senses lie.
They do. That’s why the answer is clearly 42, silly.
The senses lie? Wow. Plato thought that too…
Do we have to play the “How do you know?” game today?
This really is a very interesting thread with some good, honest conversation. It would be nice it we could leave that baggage in the thread where it belongs.
I don’t mean to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong… I’m just sayin’ the thread seems to be going in a very interesting direction, and I, for one, think it would turn out the best if it doesn’t get derailed.
Um, game? Derailed? I don’t know what thread you’re talking about. Seems relevant to me.
My comment has to do with my comments in the “let’s band John C” thread.
I claimed that people tend to ask John C the same questions repeatedly, i.e., “How do you know what you know?” And I claimed that if you ask the same question, you’ll get the same answer. In other words, yes, John does hijack threads. But, on the flip side, people don’t exactly ignore it; he gets egged on.
True.
Mnemonic for e.g. (exempli gratia, “for example”) and i.e. (id est, “that is”): example given and in essence.
ex.:
I like eating fruit, i.e. the developed ovaries of seed plants.
I like eating fruit, e.g. apples, bananas, and watermelon.
luckily, i.e. and e.g. both work grammatically in that sentence.
and that is actually even less related to the thread…
=P
Given “questions” is plural, that’s a solid e.g.
Good thing I have rodney around to correct me! Now people will be able to understand what I type that much more clearly.
Actually, JonJon, I think e.g. is more appropriate here than i.e. I did mean “People ask the same questions, such as/for example, ‘How do you know…?’” Not that it matters or that I was misunderstood, but technically, rodney is correct.
Wasn’t trying to correct. Look to the future, not to the past!
“Do we have to play the ‘How do you know?’ game today?”
It hangs out on a blog called “Unreasonable Faith” repeatedly making the same unprovable, unconfirmable, (and in its own words) “unbelievable” claims, while insisting that it knows what it says to be the Absolute Truth. Further, it refuses to entertain(much less adopt) any position that disagrees with it. Further still, it holds those who disbelieve its fantastic claims culpable for being disbelievers, when it has repeatedly been told by myself, and others, that we are *unable* to believe what we honestly do not find believable(imagine that), and that if we adopted the mentality of a “child”(upon its suggestion) and believed on “faith”(upon its suggestion), we’d not only be lying to ourselves, but then, *any* other “fairy tale”(its classification for its own beliefs) could just as well be “true”, too. Frankly, it is a nuisance, IMO.
And BTW, I call it “it” because it insists that it is of a “different species” than the rest of us. Sure, we could all just “ignore it”, just like you can ignore a gnat at a picnic.
harsh…
And BTW, I call it “it” because it insists that it is of a “different species” than the rest of us. Sure, we could all just “ignore it”, just like you can ignore a gnat at a picnic.
Wow, calling a person a member of a different species, dehumanizing that person by calling him an ‘it.’ That’s about as low as it gets, boomslang. Maybe the conversation about banning someone has been about the wrong person.
Thanks for the defense but I am not offended-no worries please. He is saying that because I once stated that the spiritual man, in this world is as a man of a different species, a play on the “IN the world but not OF the world” inference in John Ch 17. And yes, I stick by my words so he can say what he wishes, no worries.
Still, I wish him all the best.
“Wow, calling a person a member of a different species..”
No; a “different species” is what “John C.” refered to * Himself * as.
“…dehumanizing that person by calling him an ‘it. That’s about as low as it gets, boomslang.”
You, of course, are entitled to your opinion. It is my opinion that it is no less “dehumanizing” to tell other human beings that they, quote, “live outside of it["love"], and that they are “lost”, if they are non-”Christian”.
“Maybe the conversation about banning someone has been about the wrong person.”
If I got the impression that the majority didn’t want me here, I’d leave on my own; you wouldn’t have to ban me. Would John C. do the same, though?
Looks like I may have spoken too quickly. It appears there was more to the story than I knew before posting. My apologies, boomslang.
“…. I once stated that the spiritual man, in this world is as a man of a different species, a play on the ‘IN the world but not OF the world’ inference in John Ch 17.”
And you also know that quoting scripture to a non-”Christian” is entirely meaningless, yet, you continue to do it(also, part of the problem). Moreover, you think that believing in, and quoting from “the Bible” gives you some sort of license, one that you evidentally believe validates your statements as something other than *opinion*.
“Looks like I may have spoken too quickly. It appears there was more to the story than I knew before posting. My apologies, boomslang.”
No prob’.
brgulker:
Maybe you weren’t here when this happened, but John C said that about us. Boomslang isn’t trying to insult John C; he’s just summarizing some of the things which John C has said to us while he’s been here.
TELE-
No, didnt say you cant love, didnt call you lost. Did say spiritual ones were as a “different species” and they are.
Teleprompter, yeah, I’ve figured out there is more to it than what’s happening here.
“And BTW, I call it “it” because it insists that it is of a “different species” than the rest of us. Sure, we could all just “ignore it”, just like you can ignore a gnat at a picnic.”
hahahahahahahahaaha
funniest thing i’ve ever read on the intenet
in all seriousness
john c has many times implied that he is not just a ‘natural man’ but a ‘a tri-partate being’ with an ‘inner man’
only natural beings deserve ‘he’
i think a tri-partate being is a definite ‘it’
I think it’s probably a good idea to stay with the campus organization/ministry group until you graduate, if you feel it will alienate your friends who also go. I’m not sure “coming out” is the way to go. Just graduate, see your friends sometimes, don’t try to impart your new knowledge to them or snub what they like to do. It’s complicated, and I’ve never been in your situation, but if it were me, I would just try to let this aspect of your life and your friendships fade into the background. You say you, as a group, attempted to refute Mr. Ehrmann’s claims “based on fact”. I assume you are still permitted to be vocal in attempts to do so.
Atheism and skepticism can be like a “religion” in that once you find it, you might feel like you are keeping such a dark secret from everyone around you, and at once, want to be free to think like you think and say things you want to say, you might even want to change everybody’s mind once it becomes clear to you, you get excited and want everybody to know. I don’t think that’s how it needs to go.
You don’t need to talk about religion all the time, it’s just that most people’s base assumption of you is that you are a believer. I’m an atheist, always have been, and that’s true of most of society, depending on the community where you live and the people you work with, most people will be happy to hear you have some faith in some god even if it’s different, than if they were to find out you were an atheist, and some people have different reactions, be it to argue with you or change the subject really fast and be a little cold to you from then on. Most of my “activity” as an atheist is to not talk about it, I barely even think about it. If someone asks, I don’t lie, but few people are really that nosy. It’s just in the community where everybody wonders why they never see you at church anymore, praises Jesus all the time, or initiates conversations about their religion or witness to you… that’s never happened to me. Most of the people I’ve known or met keep that part to themselves also, excepting people who believe something happened “for a reason.” It’s vague, but it’s belief and I hate hearing about it! I still don’t open my mouth and tell them they are wrong.
As for making friends or joining groups – we’ve discussed this in the past and few atheists think it’s necessary to join a group or attend weekly meetings on the basis of atheism. Some still like it, and I suppose that’s nice we have a place to discuss issues here, but I don’t think of it like joining a church to post on an interesting blog or forum. It makes me think about issues I’ve never confronted, never actively avoided, mind you, just never framed my observations through focusing on my atheistic answer or known a lot of things religious people believe and had a chance to comment. So in that sense, there is a little ridicule.
But you don’t need to join a group or make friends by skepticism. Most of us engage in group activities or clubs that have no ties to religion or atheism. The skepticism is your mind, what you do and who you meet, depending on your approach to the problem – in reality, the subject hardly ever comes up outside your personal feelings and interest. It’s not really like being gay and having to confront your family and friends when you find a partner and want to live together and then get married and then adopt a baby. Skepticism/atheism isn’t in anyone’s face unless you start the arguments. If you are looking for a job, try finding areas to live where nobody cares instead of a bible-y area where 99% of people will be in your face.
And then, as for your family, I really have no experience in that area. I wasn’t really “raised” as an atheist. We just don’t talk about it, only my maternal grandfather did and is partially the reason we were not brought to church or secretly taught the bible. As far as I know, no one in my family believes in god or the bible, or at least not very intently. This may be the hardest part for you, as it is for others who come from deeply religious backgrounds. If you lose friends over it, you can make new friends, although the loss of a really good friend over it can be devastating. There is no escape from your family, not really, and whether or not they accept this, reject you until you come around, or how they react, or how much you dread get-togethers, that will always probably be a painful thing. Others may have stories about how it might get better or never does.
I come from a similar background. Although unfortuantely, I was into young earth creationism. Science was never my strongest subject (I’m more of an English kind of girl), luckily now my knowledge of science has expanded, but it’s still something I have to work hard at to understand.
I got sidetracked…what I really want to say is not to discount atheist/agnostic/freethinking groups. The hardest part of leaving faith for me was losing my sense of community. I had virtually no contact with people who didn’t believe as I did (I went to Christian schools growing up and later to a Christian university). However, after leaving Christianity I decided to give a local atheist group a try and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I know not all groups are the same, but the atheist community I’m involved with has just as many (if not more) social activities, get-togethers, and parties as we do lectures and community service. It’s a good balance and a great variety of people. They’ve become some of my best friends (cheesy?), but I know I would have had a much more difficult time integrating myself without their support.
My suggestion…give a local group a try. It might be a good fit, it might not, but it is worth looking into.
Just wanted to add that atheist groups are going to vary WIDELY by region. A group of atheists in Vermont is going to be very different than one in rural South Carolina.
And, of course, if you live in Bucksnort, TN, then you don’t really have a choice. It’s Church Community or No Community.
(Yes, Bucksnort is a real town in TN)
I think it is important for you to tell your story about how you came to your current views on religion. You seems to have given it serious thought and research. Showing the time, effort, and thought you put into your transition to a reality based world view, should garner respect even from those who disagree with your conclusions. I would recommend a weblog or online diary to detail your path from uncritical belief in religious dogma to your new enlightened understanding. This way anyone who is interested can see your honest efforts and well thought out reasoning behind your change in world view. If they take issue with any of your hard-won conclusions, you may have an online discussion in which they have to demonstrate the validity of their position and the error of yours. We all know who will have the stronger case for their views. Remember, the good fight is not for the timid, weak, or lazy; it takes strong character to fight against the prevailing view of the masses. May reason be with you;)
Don’t hide your beliefs from anyone. Hiding implies shame, and if you are ashamed of your beliefs then that is a problem. If your friends cannot deal with you as you truly are then they are not truly your friends. Chances are many of them have doubts also, and they are hiding those doubts from their friends and family. Burst their bubble, it will be good for everyone involved to see how much doubt is hidden under their illusions.
I’m one of those atheists that ridicules religions. Why? Because they are so damn ridiculous. I ridicule all religions that cross my path, while most believers only ridicule religions that differ greatly from theirs. Often they ridicule elements of other religions only to find those same elements in their own religion, and when that gets pointed out they get defensive. Have you ever ridiculed people who believe cows are holy and mosquitos shouldn’t be killed? Wouldn’t you make fun of someone who actually believes that by sacrificing blood from their penis they can guarantee the sun will rise the next morning? In order to not be hypocritical, you have to apply that ridicule evenhandedly to anything that strikes you as ridiculous. Holy cows, blood sacrifice, Mormon underwear, sending psychic messages to god before you go to sleep.. all ridiculous.
The danger, as moderate believers see it, is that they cannot draw a line between their ‘moderate’ beliefs and the more crazy things that even they ridicule. When you really dig into their beliefs they are just as ridiculous as holy cows. The open and honest approach is to ridicule the ridiculous, and when people start to see their religion as ridiculous then they have an incentive to dig deeper.
Aor, we’ve disagreed a lot here, but I wholeheartedly agree with this quote from you:
Don’t hide your beliefs from anyone. Hiding implies shame, and if you are ashamed of your beliefs then that is a problem. If your friends cannot deal with you as you truly are then they are not truly your friends. Chances are many of them have doubts also, and they are hiding those doubts from their friends and family.
I have to say it’s not hiding. I don’t feel like I’m hiding. Well I guess everyone important to me already knows, so there’s that. But I think don’t tell anyone who’s not interested. Some of the advice given in this thread implies that if you do tell people who really don’t care, who turn around and care once you turn into someone with doubts, invites trouble. I guess there are two kinds (at least in this case) of atheists – ones who tell anyone who will listen and love to get into arguments, and ones who just want to be left alone. Just like I don’t want to be preached at, I don’t start sentences like “I’m an atheist, and if you wanted to make something of it, let’s get that out of the way.” There’s no shame in being an atheist or have doubts, but it’s never necessary to blurt things out.
We might be talking about 2 different things. But just to give an example, I’ve hidden 3 things from my family in the last year, none of which has to do with shame, one of which I revealed recently which was just nobody’s business and didn’t hurt anyone either way, and the other 2 because it’s nobody’s business how I run my life and I know what kind of trouble I would be asking for. Mostly because I’m in my 30s but my mother still talks to me like I’m 14. I guess that’s for therapy? but there’s really no relief. No one is in a position to help, so they are just going to harp. Everyone’s happier this way, I think. Try it, it’s not really that bad.
“Hiding implies shame, and if you are ashamed of your beliefs then that is a problem. ”
Hiding is also implies fear of persecution. If you think you will be persecuted for your beliefs, then hide them.
Haven’t read through the entire thread but there are some obvious reasons to stay hidden. Are they paying for college on their own? Will your chances for further education be harmed by coming out?
90% of their friends are religious and 25% of those are strongly religious. Is it worth risking your support system of friends and contacts to come out to them?
Are they your friends if they would drop you for speaking the truth?
My story is pretty much exactly the same. I have told many of my Christian friends, and they have not been judgmental or pushy about anything, even those who are going into ministry. I did start with very specific friends, in very specific and comfortable settings, but I’ve never had any trouble. I did make my campus minister cry when I told her, so that made me feel like a jerk. But I still participate in church activities because I enjoy the community and all of the people there are still my friends.
Now my family is another story–give me about ten years and we’ll see how it’s going.
I was raised Christian but I never considered myself “devout.” So this input may be of little or no use to you.
I essentially adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. I am not equipped for an argument one way or the other, all I know is how I feel. I don’t invite conversation pertaining to religion or atheisism/agnosticism, but if it arises I’m very diplomatic. This could be hard, being that you wish to continue to attend your community gatherings; I don’t know how much you actually discuss your beliefs. But if it’s possible to implement this kind of approach – it seems to work for me. Then, if you are asked, I would say to try and gauge what that particular person’s response would be to you “coming out” and decide from there how “out” you’re going to come. Everything in shades of grey…or, rather, baby-steps. Express your scepticism one idea at a time, one person at a time.
This is very close to what I would say. I think that at least part of the pressure you (the one who wrote in for advice) are feeling to reveal your beliefs comes from only having lived inside Christian culture, where belief is always a main topic of conversation. What you find outside of Christian culture, is that there are lots more topics of conversation, that your beliefs on God aren’t even relevant to. So, consider that it might not actually be as necessary to “confess” as it seems to you right now.
If the subject of your personal beliefs does unavoidably come up, one way to start your sentences might be with, “you know, one thing I really wonder about is…” This takes the onus of explanation off of you and leaves the other person free to talk. Then all you have to do is let them talk.
The loss of community is very difficult, no matter what the reason. Expect bouts of loneliness. It has taken a long time to establish the community you have, and it will take time to build another. As many others have said, it may be a good idea to make a gradual transition rather than a clean break.
The Christian identity is a very strong one, ime. So strong that it can squelch the rest of your personality. Take some time to get to know yourself. What are your interests and talents? Pursue those, and new friends and like-minded community will come naturally.
Another thing I strongly recommend, though it doesn’t address your current dilemma, is to travel to as many places as your means allow, as soon as you can. Exposure to new cultures will give you perspective and context for the one you have grown up in, which will allow you a much deeper understanding of yourself.
It is entirely possible that this will go badly.
When I let my family know of my new found skepticism and materialism, I lost pretty much ever friend I’d made within the faith. The only family member I’ve been in contact with in three years is my mother, and that’s only email, and is at best terse.
You know what? It didn’t matter. My new life is amazingly great. Ditching the shackles of superstition has made me a much happier person. I’ve made an all new collection of really good friends, some of whom are as close as family.
Reality is great. Embrace it.
I was worried about the loss of community aspect, too – my world revolved around mission trips, singing with the worship team, attending weekly Bible studies or small groups. I was even a youth leader for a period of time. I was a member of a great church that supported its members and encouraged investigation of the “difficult” issues. With all my involvements, I thought I was an integral part of this congregation, but when I stopped going, I discovered that most of the relationships I thought I had cultivated were not much more than relationships of convenience. When I run into my former church friends around town, only a few have commented on not seeing me at church (it’s now been over three years). Honestly, I was bracing myself for a much more difficult “coming out” experience. I’ve also realized that, while I thought I would miss the community, it’s really only a few people who I miss.
Most members of every church I’ve attended have been pleasant, well-meaning people who do everything they can to avoid any form of confrontation, including, of course, confronting themselves about the inconsistencies within their own faith. That’s a fancy way of saying that most (read: most, not all) churchgoers are not interested in considering things critically, rationally, or honestly. Turns out, those are not the type of people I’d like to be around, Christian or not. As a “thinker”, I’m only really satisfied by relationships with other “thinkers”.
My advice? Go out there and make friends however you can. You might not find a replacement church congregation that will echo the warm fuzzies of Christianity, and honestly, I don’t think I would want that. You are not limited to “Christian Church vs. Athiest Club”. Join a book club, performance group, or foreign language class. Go to the same coffee shop every day and get to know the people behind the counter. Pursue anyone and anything that is interesting. Don’t make friends based on theology or lack thereof; just make friends!
“Losing My Religion” by William Lobdell is pretty good too. THe first half reads like someone finding his religion, but that’s only half the story.
And then:
You’ll get new jobs. You’ll move. You’ll have new activities and new groups. You’ll have new friends, co-workers and acquaintances. This happens whether or not you actively seek it.
(Unless there are people more ossified or stuck in tiny towns than I know about.)
I get most of what you’re saying, but the ‘new jobs’ part doesn’t make sense to me. How would becoming an atheist affect his employment?
I saw that sentence as well, but it confused me because of the “And Then” that precedes it just above. He seems to say that
but that’s only half the story.
and
You’ll get new jobs. You’ll move. You’ll have new activities and new groups. You’ll have new friends, co-workers and acquaintances.
are connected wit the “And then.” But then makes the comment you highlighted which seems to disconnect them…. that’s the source of my confusion. Perhaps I’m misunderstanding the “And then” part.
It’s a detailed way of saying, “and then life will go on”. All those things are just normal happenings of life.
I think he’s saying that all of those transition times in life are opportunities to find a new community, so not to worry too much about the perceived loss. FWIW, I feared the same thing when I left my old church, as I had very few strong contacts outside it. I found that I had far more support that I thought. It was pretty rough dealing with the sudden severe curtailment of relationships with family and friends, but I did not find myself completely alone by any means. That said, I did join a much more liberal church for various reasons including a nagging feeling of needing to have interaction in a community, and I’ve been lucky there as I so far have been able to be absolutely honest about my beliefs without causing friction or being an outcast. I am able to contribute even though everyone knows I’m skeptical.
I like to frame discussions about faith using metaphors about individual freedom and free thought. They seem less confrontational and help others to seek their own interpretations, especially when the facts of how heavily redacted and re-interpreted ‘The Bible’ has become over the centuries.
One of my favorite tidbits to use as a discussion point comes from a favorite author.
In his 1940 novella ‘If This Goes On…’. Robert Heinlein wrote of a future USA where religion has become the government and non-believers are branded as heretics and are slaughtered for their choice to be freethinkers. When a new arrival to the non-religious underground questions the battle against religious tyranny, the underground leader responds as follows:
“When any government, or any religion for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, ‘This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know, the end result is tyranny and oppression, no matter how holy the motives. Mighty little force is needed to control a man whose mind has been hoodwinked; contrariwise, no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything – you can’t conquer a free man… the most you can do is kill him.” Powerful words, more true now than ever before in our history.
It is VERY DIFFICULT for those whose mind has become controlled by religious doctrine and dogma to refute that Heinlein statement. Yes, it can work both ways, but facts are facts, humans are flawed mammals and we struggle with our big brains to make things simple to swallow and digest.
“They ridicule faiths”. They do because they ARE ridiculous. I’m not telling you have to acknowledge this fact now but you will have to do it eventually…
In all fairness we are equal opportunity riduculers
The closet phase is normal and probably necessary for many. Losing one’s entire support network and risking one’s job security is what I faced. On the other hand, what will yo do when asked to lead in prayer or when someone is witnessing and tosses the ball to you, etc., etc? If you feel you are not emotionally strong enough right now I would suggest talking to a neutral therapist. When you do “come out” you will find out who are your real friends and be able to build a foundation for open, authentic life.
One piece of advice I have (I’ve gone through a similar experience) is to be honest with the people you are close to and care the most about, but to remember that you don’t owe everyone an explanation. If your Christian group is anything like mine is/was, there is this expectation that should be open and honest with EVERYONE. When I came out as an atheist, people were coming out of the woodwork who wanted to set up a time to meet with me to talk about my faith, or sent me lots of messages on facebook, etc. I had to set a limit, and tell those people that while I appreciated their care/concern, they had not been a significant part of my life while I was a Christian, and they weren’t going to be now that I had become an atheist. It was a very polite way of saying, “I’m not discussing this with you. Mind your own business.” You have to protect your sanity, otherwise you’ll spend all your time defending yourself–and you shouldn’t have to and don’t need to do that.
While I think honesty is good, you don’t need 50 or 100 people knowing exactly why you have stopped believing…it’s none of their business. Share your story with the handful of people who you’re closest with. If they care, which I’m sure they do, they’ll ask questions and want to know more about your process of leaving the faith. Save your time and energy for the people you care about the most. Let the others fall by the wayside. No ill will…just being realistic.
. When I came out as an atheist, people were coming out of the woodwork who wanted to set up a time to meet with me to talk about my faith, or sent me lots of messages on facebook, etc. I had to set a limit, and tell those people that while I appreciated their care/concern, they had not been a significant part of my life while I was a Christian, and they weren’t going to be now that I had become an atheist. It was a very polite way of saying, “I’m not discussing this with you. Mind your own business.” You have to protect your sanity, otherwise you’ll spend all your time defending yourself–and you shouldn’t have to and don’t need to do that.
I think that’s pretty good advice. If you do choose to be vocal about your skepticism, you’ll undoubtedly, albeit inadvertently, rekindle some old “friendships.” On the other side of things, though, the people who choose to love and support you regardless of your stance and opinion for or against a god — those are the relationships worth clinging to.
Move to Europe. I will meet you at the airport. ;)
That made me smile. Just thought I’d let you know. :-)
Like most everyone has said here so far, I think the most important thing is to tread slowly. I made the decision to reject Christianity over a year ago and a lot of my closest friends still don’t know. That has been made easier by the fact that I moved right about the same time I made the decision so I was able to bow out gracefully from the church I was involved with and what not. The people I have told were friends that I knew would be able to still accept me even if we did not believe the same thing they did about religion. I do anticipate that I will still lose some friendships once I “come out” to everyone, but honestly, I don’t think a friendship is worth all that much if it can’t stand a difference of opinion. Also, I agree with the opinions on here about maybe directing your efforts into more humanitarian or at least not overtly Christian groups. For example, although Habitat for Humanity is a Christian organization, there is nothing particularly Christian about going out and painting some houses a few times a month. Get ready though for what is going to be an amazing process. As most people have alluded to, the next months/years will probably be some of the most challenging but also some of the most rewarding. At least for myself, I felt like I was actually living for the first time in my life when I was no longer under the oppression that Christianity often feels like. Lastly, based on your letter, I’m pretty sure we live in the same town. If you ever want to meet up, let me know. You can find me on facebook — I’m the only in our network that spells my name this way. Best of luck to you…
“how should I go about telling people about my skepticism?”
Why do you care about what other’s think of you? You will find a great deal of freedom once you stop caring about other people’s opinion of you. One of my favorite quotes:
“You know you are free when you have nothing to defend.”
Free from what? That quote is too vague, I don’t like it.
Good point. That quote is not only too vague but dangerous.
You’re right that many atheist organizations ridicule religion. It’s the reason that I don’t belong to any of them. As you must already know, many intelligent, kind, caring people adhere to a religion, and I was never comfortable with the idea that I must presume them to be dolts or fools simply for believing in God.
There are others who feel like you do. They don’t believe in God but they miss all that comes with belonging to a church. A few have formed atheist churches, where they go each Sunday to be with people like themselves, listen to lectures about how to live better lives, work for causes and do almost everything other churches do. They’re few in number, perhaps because atheists/agnostics/skeptics/etc. tend to be very independent and not very interested in forming groups.
Another option is the brights movement. It’s first an attempt to coin a term other than a-theist, a-gnostic, non-theist, which describes people in terms of what they’re not. Taking the example of using “gay” to describe homosexuals, they are trying to encourage the adoption of the word “bright” as an umbrella term to describe nonbelievers of all kinds. (Ever get two nonbelievers in a room together? All they do is argue about definitions.) The brights are also trying to put an end to the animosity between themselves and those who believe in God (which they call supers) and find ways to work together or at least coexist peacefully.
Many people dislike the term, saying that it sounds arrogant, as if brights are implying that everyone else is dim, but I like to think of it as describing my outlook on life. I don’t see the world as something that has fallen from grace, full of evil and needing Jesus to return and set it right. Although the world is full of bad things and bad people, its imperfection is what makes it so wonderful, because without the bad, how can we appreciate the good?
I’ve been godless for about 20 yrs now. It took me a long time to admit it. I hid behind words like “agnostic” or “seeker” because I didn’t want to “offend” people who were religious. However, the longer I was out of the religious mindset, the less the opinions or sensibilities of religious people mattered to me. A Xian guy actually told my husband that he could not possibly love the kids and me because only people with the Holy Spirit can love others, period. The rest is sham love. My Muslim mechanic said that even xians and Jews have a chance at heaven, but atheists! Ha! “Why do you choose fire? Why do you choose hell?”
I’ve heard so many stupid, hateful, ridiculous things from Xians, Mormons, and Muslims I know that I gave up on giving a crap what they think about my lack of belief in their deities. I don’t wear “Your friendly neighborhood atheist” tshirts or have an atheist bumper sticker on my car (unless you count, ‘Iron Maiden is my Religion’) or advertise my atheism. I’m too busy being a smug, pushy vegan. That alone takes a lot of my energy. I can only do so much.
Hi everyone. I’m the student who wrote the letter posted above. I wanted to thank you all for your tremendous support. I wrote this letter to Daniel late last night, curious for his and the community’s responses. I had expected only a few comments, but I was totally surprised to see close to 100 replies!
As I had mentioned before, losing my community troubles me the most. I’m comforted to see that others have traveled along this same path. I’ll look into charitable organizations. Upon some of your suggestions, I might even try an atheist/agnostic group once I get out of school. Who knows, there may be a group for ex-Christians in my area since I’m in the Bible Belt.
There’s one important thing I’ve learned in my deconversion process that I forgot to mention in my letter. Since deciding that I would no longer believe in any religion, there has been an overwhelming comfort and ease to my mind. I no longer have to worry about some invisible being always watching my actions. No longer do I have to care about living by a certain standard. No longer do I have to fear for my soul or the souls of everyone I encounter.
I’m slowly going to continue telling people about my loss of faith. Thanks to some of your suggestions, I’ll continue in the religious group, but I’ll ease my role and presence there. I’ll tell my very close friends first about my journey, but I’ll hold off telling people that weren’t as close. If they’re nosy, I’ll have an answer for them. As for my parents, I think I’ll hold off telling them until I have to. I’m not sure how others’ parents are, but I know for certain that my mom would be devastated.
I think there’s a largely growing group of people like me in America. I look forward to seeing how things change over the next decade. Thanks for your comments and support!
Dear Student- I have walked your path. The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life was tell my very Church of Christ mother that I was an atheist. I had successfully hidden it from her for about 15 years. I had dodged and avoided and used the “temporary crisis of faith” excuse and finally, I just got tired of the lies. Mom cried and cried and said her heart was broken because she won’t see me in heaven. My sister had the same reaction. My grandfather is an elder in the church and he died last year still thinking I was a believer. It was just too hard to think about breaking his heart. He wouldn’t have understood. At his funeral I cried as I had never cried before, mainly because of all the crazy crap my family was saying to each other at the religious funeral- i.e. you’ll see him again soon, he’s in heaven in a mansion now, etc. My husband is also an atheist and is very supportive and he literally held me up during the service. Most of my extended family still doesn’t know and I just don’t have the energy to assertively “out” myself. I have listed myself as an atheist on my Facebook page and a couple of cousins are “friends.” I dread the thought of them blabbing to my elderly grandmother- oy! I still struggle with whether I should be “out” on my Facebook page considering all my childhood friends are Xian and I went to an Xian college too. And that I live and work in the heart of the bible belt.
Yes, I do have atheist friends and they are very near and dear to me. But don’t underestimate the trauma that coming out is going to have on you. I’m in counseling to deal with all the emotions and I’d advise that for you too. All the best…
He leads us out of religiosity into the liberty of Himself, His spirit within. Away from rule-keeping, dead rituals and behavioral expectations until all the “externals” fall away. Then, only then apart from our religious conditioning once the scales fall from our eyes can He reveal to us His true nature, who He really is, who we are in Him and He is Love.
While you assume you have rejected “Christianity”, is it possible that what you really learned is that “religion” the “system”, ie “church” is not what you want, can not satisfy our hearts deepest longings? That it did not lead to the freedom you had hoped for, read about and set out after. You are not alone, there are many myself included who have come before you, walked this trail thinking it was “all over” only to find out that Love doggedly pursues us, calls out to us at every turn, that we can not escape this reckless raging fury they call the love of God. You are free’er now than you have ever been, that’s why your heart senses a new fround liberty, an unshackling of the bonds that held you, an anticipation of an adventure that lays just before you in the days ahead.
And so the real, religion free journey of the heart begins. Only guard your liberty, guard your heart this time for it is the wellspring of life within you. Never again let it be subject to such tyranny, such restraint. Journey on my freed friend, its a brand new day indeed.
Please unsubscribe me, or tell me how to unsubscribe.
I didn’t realize that I would be receving this much email.
Yikes! 8-0
There are more communities than just believers or non-believers. Buy a Harley, join a chapter, ride. You’ll be busy enjoying yourself and having fun with people who share a common interest, their bikes. No time (and no need if you don’t want to) to talk or even worry about faith. Unless it’s Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance :-)
That’s proselitizing :-)
That’s right :-)
There are a ton of responses to your letter here. I can add no insight or perspective, but I would like to recommend a podcast called Reasonable Doubts. All three of the hosts are former Christians, very intelligent and offer the philosophies and observations that you could use right now. They are not disdainful nor disparaging of religions. I can not recommend it enough.
Grow a set, and tell those you want to know what your true/real beliefs are. As was said before, your real friends will still be your friends and those who choose not to never were you friends in the first place. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself!
In life in general, the more interests, and friends you have (and from the more diverse social circles) the less stressed you are. You’ve held out a year so far; no rush. Join a few other campus groups. Make more secular friends. Eventually someone will confront you, and you’ll be ready; you’ll tell them the truth, and some will stop talking to you, some will be okay with it. But you’ll have new friends that support you so you won’t have to worry about it. You sound like a pretty bright and confident person so I wouldn’t worry about whether you’ll be “okay”.
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[...] July 3, 2009 at 06:41 (Deconversions) (christian, christianity, deconversion, doubt, faith, reason, religion) The following is a post I found on the blog Unreasonable Faith. It is refreshing to see how skeptics have offered support and encouragement to younger skeptics just emerging from a variety of faiths. I recommend reading the original post and comments found at the link below. Coming Out of the Skeptical Closet [...]