My favorites from the comments:
“I’ll always be there for you. Just not, you know, helping.” (Tyro)
“Yes my son, you did just step in dog poo.” (Slurms)
“He was gathering firewood on the Sabbath, you had no choice but to kill him.” (Mark D)
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95 Comments
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
“Hey, don’t forget to turn the other chee… oh, wait. Nevermind.”
What part of “thou shalt not kill” don’t you understand?
“Yes my son, you did just step in dog poo”
Lol, you stole my dog poo caption. I was going to say something like: “Look, we all step in dog poo now and then. Just scrape it off and get back to the killing.” I like yours better though.
“Don’t worry, Joey — soon I’ll return and kill everyone who doesn’t think exactly like you do.”
you ought to pick a winning caption and post it under the picture
wait…how is it even possible that jebus’ leg is lower to the ground than the soldiers? It’s like the artist was drawing his way south and said “aaaah shit, guess I wont draw the feet”
I assume they’re on a mountain in Afghanistan and the soldier is kneeling on a ledge higher than the one Jesus is on. :)
Jesus does not have to obey the laws of pictorial perspective.
I checked the other drawings. He’s footless and fancy-free in all of them I saw.
He just kinda floats along. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
I was in a meeting when I saw that. I don’t think I had to hit a mute button so fast before they heard me laughing in my life.
“You don’t always come home with the limbs you want, but the limbs you have. Oh by the way, I hate amputees”.
I just laughed my ass off at that
Ditto!
“Teamwork is important. It gives them someone else to shoot at.” – Jesus.
“Don’t worry, there are plenty more Muslims to murder!”
Took one in the gut? Some folks I push upward. Some folks I push downward. Guess which way you’re going.
“I’ll always be there for you. Just not, you know, helping.”
lol
“Sorry for the delay, son; it gets busy with both sides are claiming me as their mascot.”
“There there.”
“Remind me again, Lord. Why did you forsake yourself?”
“Pray Joey, pray without ceasing. All you need is faith and everything will be just fine.”
Sorry, the Army doesn’t want your help because you’re a homo.
“Your shoe’s untied, you damned sodomite.”
Verily I say unto thee, today shalt thou be with me in paradise.
“Gentle pressure…”
Note: Guess the reference ^_^
Its a Ron Jeremy quote right?
I’m not aware if he said that, but nope.
From ‘The Days of Our Years’ short film that was riffed on Mystery Science Theater with ‘The Amazing Transparent Man’?
Conglaturation! A winner is you!
You even named the title of the short — wow! ^_^
DAMNIT! I knew that but I just read the comment. I love that one.
Tony! Your hands are claws! PUMAMAAAAAN!
“… except if you get your foot/head/arm blown off. I can’t work miracles, you know.”
“Only after you die.”
Remember when I said that the meek will inherit the Earth? They’re only gonna get it after we get through with it first — muahaha….
“It’s okay, I really don’t like kittens anyway.”
I just hope the artist is never holding a gun. With those depth perception problems…
“Aim for the balls”
“Why does it always have to be about the balls with you?”
“Remember how all your friends and family thought you were crazy for joining the military to get your life in the right direction? Yeah, well, wait till you tell ‘em about this…”
“Can I help you find your contact lens?”
“Hey cheer up! I came back to save the world! What? Everyone’s dead already? Shit…”
“Excuse me, my son, but c-ca-can I shoot your gun? Just once? There wasn’t any here last time I visited…”
“Dude, it’s only a contact lens… Now stop looking and pay attention.”
Varily I say unto you, the Holy Hand Grenade you dropped is just there to your right…and ticking.
“I’d watch your back, my child, but I left my gun on my other donkey.”
Soldier: “Is that the donkey you stole?” (Mat. 21:1-6)
“Hey! I’m right here! I was behind the couch the whole time. Hiding from the enemy”
dont worry next time aim higher so you’ll shoot him between the eyes and he wont suffer as long
Kill uh’m all and I’ll sort them out.
lol2
. . . using you as a shield.
“My father and I were just watching from above and we noticed that you are wearing your knee pad on your ankle. Don’t be sad, just fix it…… Jesus Christ !! I’m just trying to help you.”
“I can help you re-grow any limbs you lose, but only if dwade forgets his camera.”
WIN
“Don’t worry, Lieutenant C……there is a life….there really is!”
He was gathering firewood on the sabbeth, you had no choice but to kill him.
“Look, I’m sorry you killed a civilian whom you misinterpreted as an enemy combatant, but you know we had to fire our military Aribic interpreter. He was gay!”
“You never learned to tie your shoes? A pain I know all too well…”
“You’re standing on an IED my child, good luck”
With you always…psych!!!
Sorry, they only had Velcro.
That 13 year old Iraqi girl obviously wanted it.
Don’t worry, son. Patrick Tillman has already forgiven you.
i am with everyone.. i was even next to the child you just shot. if i didn’t help them what makes you think i will help you?
your forgot to confirm the kill, my son
Make sure you get ‘em between the eyes, that way they stay dead
Your faith will protect you…….ooops, never mind.
“Okay, you snipe, I’ll spot. I’m always there for you, buddy.”
Why don’t you sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what you would like for Christmas.
May the dark side by with you, my son.
don’t pussy out on me now
Wow, some real gems here!
http://jesus-withyoualways.com/
(Jesus Pushing) STOP PRAYING TO ME AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
“Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you’ll have good luck… killing Muslims.”
If only you’d forwarded that email to twelve of your friends…
HAHAHAHAHA!
Apropos of modern email!
I refuse to forward emails that blackmail me with threats of bad luck.
Don’t get to tell that to anyone specific very often, since most of the cowards willing to pass on threatening blackmail to others to protect their own precious asses are anonymous,
“OK, you take the part about democracy and stuff, and I’ll handle the rest.”
OK George, the photo-op is over, let’s get back in our civvies and go home.
“Your gun is really scaring me, where is that baby girl and happy clown?”
“Pssst, the other guy thinks I’m ‘with him always’ too.”
“BOO! You shat, dint ya? lulz.”
Win! Specifically for use of the word “shat”…
Wow, nice deltoid — you been working out?
Whoops – didn’t mean to copy you there! Great minds, and all that!
“Ooohh… have you been working out?”
Hey could you stop walking behind me, and stand in front? You are immortal right?
“There, there, son, that 12-year-old hussy was asking for it…!”
“I’ll aim;you pull the trigger.”
Receive what I say in complete obedience. Guard what has been handed down to you by my father, attack those who contradict me based on reason, for they are losing the way of the faith.
ugh, vidlord, for all the comedy in the other captions, the sad fact is that this is the one so many people will actually believe.
“Not being able to tell people you’re gay is tough. Believe me, I know!”
I likes mah men in uniform.
“You prayed? I got here as fast as I could. Hope you don’t mind I’m still wearing my KKK robes, I — God damn it, I left my hood again!”
“Don’t feel bad for slaughtering Iraqis. They are the enemy, and you are doing my work. And what you done ain’t nuthin’ compared to what my dad did in Exodus and Leviticus! LMAO”
Hope I didn’t offend any vets on this site! I really didn’t mean to…