People that think atheism is a religion, and I know its not, but that should mean nothing to you. Let them be misinformed, because at least they’re not the ones giving atheists a bad name. When people overcorrect others, that’s why people get bad reputations.

And I’m no happier about the atheist reputation than any of you, but personally, I would rather try to make atheists seem for friendly than society seees them now, not the other way around.

I mustn’t leave you with a false impression though. It’s not all bad. We do get some advantages. Not legally, or socially, but in other ways.

Those of us that survive our childhood relatively whole and sane, well, what does not kill us makes us stronger. Ok, there’s the whole increased murder rate business, so we have to be careful there. And we’re often denied marriage, passports etc, or if we get them, they may be summarily annulled or cancelled..

For example, this from a recent court case:

“Taking this situation to its logical conclusion, Mrs. Littleton, while in San Antonio, Texas, is a male and has a void marriage; as she travels to Houston, Texas, and enters federal property, she is female and a widow; upon traveling to Kentucky she is female and a widow; but, upon entering Ohio, she is once again male and prohibited from marriage; entering Connecticut, she is again female and may marry; if her travel takes her north to Vermont, she is male and may marry a female; if instead she travels south to New Jersey, she may marry a male.”

It helps for us to have some considerable knowledge of the law, and medicine (as few medical people know too much about the biological issues), and to have many different career choices at any time. 40% of us are unemployed, 35% in part-time work, and of those in full time work, the average income is just over $15,000. Most of us live below the poverty line, and it’s legal to fire us summarily for our medical condition in 37 states. We’re specifically excluded from protection in the Americans with Disabilities Act. Psychotic Axe murderers are covered though.

But I was getting to the advantages.

Our neurology is non-standard. That gives many of us extra talents. OK, we need them, having to be medical and legal experts as well as having a half dozen more usual skills. Those of us that manage to gain employment in highly skilled areas often do extremely well. Even those of us of lesser ability are often neurosurgeons, professors of psychology. music, biology, law, engineering or especially Information Technology.

I’m merely a Rocket Scientist and sometime Naval Combat System architect, with graduate and post-graduate qualifications in Pure Mathematics, Computer Science, Information Technology, Science and Communication and a few other areas. I’m currently doing my PhD in Evolutionary Computation and Genetic Algorithms at the Australian National University, and am a (completely self-taught) internationally recognised expert on the science of sex and gender. My blog is being archived at the National Library as a work of “national significance” with “lasting cultural value” – their words, not mine. That may sound impressive, but I’m strictly second-rate compared to some. I only have one (shared) “National Engineering Excellence” award, and my work has saved only about 100,000 lives. I’ve written no world-class Symphonies (unlike Wendy Carlos), nor do I head a NASA Science Research Centre (unlike Stephanie Langhoff).

For some of the truly extraordinary women in similar situations, see this article.

I’m one of the lucky few, not quite as talented as these women, but having been given the opportunities many are denied. Most like me end up on the streets, living in cars, and doing sex work. We who are more fortunate do what we can to help them.

Heidi, Custador – please tell your friends and family about us. Not for old chooks like me, but for the many Intersexed and Transsexual children who are born every day. Girls and Boys who, if given half a chance, likely have extraordinary talents that will benefit Humanity at large.

Anyway, take heart that you are indeed helping. Like Custador, I didn’t know it was as bad as it is. I wish the revelation was more of a surprise to me than it is, though. :-( Hang in there, hon.

Some of the suicides due to bullying get reported. As do the murders, if they happen on school property. They don’t always get the details right, but close enough.

“Lawrence King, an eighth grader who identified as gay and wore makeup and nail polish, was 15 when he was declared brain dead on Feb. 13. The day before, he had been shot in the head in an Oxnard, Calif., classroom full of students….According to the Los Angeles Times and KTLA, McInerney and some other boys accosted King about his sexuality on Feb. 11. Students apparently often taunted King, who didn’t even have a safe home to return to after school: he was living in a shelter for abused and troubled children.”

That’s from Time Magazine.

Fairly typical: rejected and abused by parents, bullied at school… though being shot is most unusual, especially in a classroom. They usually use baseball bats and hammers.

For every one that’s murdered so openly, there’s more who are beaten to death outside of the classroom. How many? We don’t know. Because until this year, the FBI were forbidden to collect the statistics. Even then, how do you differentiate such murders and suicides from others? It’s only when the facts are glaringly obvious, as with the Larry King case, that you can say with certainty.

If a 16 year old kid is beaten to death in an urban ghetto, it’s probably drug- or gang- related. If a 13 year old kid in the Bible Belt… probably not.

Have a look at the list of confirmed deaths at the Transgender Day Of Remembrance. How many know that such a day is commemorated, quietly, often secretly, in places throughout the world?

These two people are people who I know, personally. People who I’ve shared a meal with. I’ve seen the scars on the hands, it’s how I dragged the story out of her. She narrated it so matter-of-factly… as if it was normal…and you know what? The tragic thing is that it’s true. Such things are more common than not for trans children.

And I had another friend too, only she committed suicide about a month ago due to the continuing maltreatment by her family. She’d done everything they asked, cut off all contact with friends in a similar situation (like me)… but it still wasn’t enough for them. She lasted 6 months with neither friends nor family before taking her own life.

I’ve had nothing like that. I felt particularly close to her too, she’d been fortunate like me in other ways. Just not that one. My family never rejected me.

I guess I feel “survivor’s guilt”. Why wasI so lucky?

You’re right though: if I saw a 12 year old girl being given the same treatment as I was, trapped, spat upon and urinated on in an hours-long attack (another incident), no, I wouldn’t tell her not to complain. I might commit mayhem on the parents of the other kids if they didn’t do something about it, but for her I’d have nothing but compassion.

I know I’m being irrational, that I’m applying a double-standard here. Maybe it is that I know I’m strong enough to survive, relatively undamaged by such things. Many girls are not. Maybe most.

You see the same effect with Rape Crisis Centre councellors. All of us have the same double-standards.We survived the assault, the rapists may have violated our bodies, but not our minds. We should help those not so lucky there.

Maybe we’re in denial, that it really was just as bad for us, and the only way we can function is by pretending it wasn’t. But whatever works, and we get to help, so it’s all good. I’m not sure all are in denial though: some women I know are just plain indomitable. OK, it hurts, and? So what? Why is that important when there’s others to be helped? That is the only thing that salves the wound.

And that means that you comment on blogs, to try to help people you’ve never met, all the way in Indiana. To remove the ignorance and fear. To move the mountain one teaspoonful at a time. Because it’s better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.

I think I’m just seeing “complaining” in a different light, really. “Hey, I went through this and it sucked” doesn’t sound like playing the victim card to me. It sounds like telling people you went through something that sucked. I mean, if you came across a child who was today going through what you went through with the bullies and the crowbar, you certainly wouldn’t tell her not to complain.

OTOH, if a kid *was* going through worse, and happened across your “complaint,” you could be the difference as to whether that kid commit suicide, for example. (e.g. “If what Zoe went through wasn’t ok, then what I’m going through isn’t ok. And I’m not alone.”)

Just some of the thoughts going through my brain right now.

And I really meant it when I said others had things tougher. I was quite genuinely one of the more fortunate ones.

My parents were good people – that makes a huge difference.

OK, the crowbar thing sounds bad on the face of it. But I know an Intersexed gal who was nailed through the palms to her bedroom door whenever company came so no-one was bothered by “the freak”. And another who was sold to a paedophile ring at age 3 for a high price, because of her unusual genitalia.

Just ask a policeman who investigates cases of child abuse what some parents are capable of. Detectives working in this area burn out in a few years, they see far too much, even when the kids don’t “look funny”.

So you can see why I don’t think I have the right to complain too much. Few Intersexed or Trans kids had it easier than I did.

My best, my only, weapon is knowledge. If people know that such things happen, if people are aware of such medical conditions, then the inate humanity that is present in most people will stop the abuse from being so widespread. Ignorance and fear cause it.